You’re an adult. You can do better.
Learn to make a basic tomato sauce and become your own Chef Boyardee. Follow the steps to get started. Then experiment to make it your own. Become a grown up.
1) Drizzle a couple of glugs of extra virgin olive oil in a 3 quart saucepan and crank the heat up to medium high.
2) Chop up a clove or two of garlic and toss it into the heated oil. (Give the oil about a minute to warm up.) If you really like garlic, add a third. Or fourth. You’re the chef.
Also, this is a clove of garlic:
3) Stir the garlic as it begins to brown evenly. Don’t let it burn!
4) Add a can of chopped tomatoes, a can of tomato puree, and/or a can of stewed tomatoes. This is the step where you determine how chunky you like your sauce.
5) Reduce heat and add herbs. Try oregano, basil, or both. I wouldn’t be mad if you used store-bought dried “Italian seasoning”. It’s a start.
6) Taste the sauce and add salt, pepper, and/or a little sugar. Taste again. Repeat as needed.
7) Let it simmer until you’re damned well ready to eat. Generally, the longer the better. (Put it over the top of the pasta of your choice.)
8) Put left over sauce in some tupperware and bring to work to prove you’ve grown up. Alternatively, bottle and sell at Bayside High.
Disclaimer: To my family members (cough, Dad & Uncle Tom), I understand the DiBacco Family Recipe is more complex and it takes an entire day to prepare. I assure you, we’ve heard it before. Annually.